Sorry this is so late. I got a little busy and a little uninspired. I am shooting for two updates a week so prayers appreciated.
(This post reads best in the style of a John Cusack or Dennis Leary rant, enjoy.)
Everyone comes to these moments of self-realization when you suddenly think, “I can’t hide this anymore.” Sometimes in the darkness of our minds we stumble into crates that have been stored up there for a long time, forgotten, unseen by anyone, but still there taking up space and generally affecting things in our lives we are unaware of. I had one of those moments recently.
I am a jealous man.
Now I don’t know what image that conjures up in your inner eye so let me explain how this particular truth manifests and doesn’t manifest in my life. First, here’s how it doesn’t work. I am not a raving lunatic who has to check my wife’s email and Facebook page all the time or freaks out every time she speaks of a male friend or coworker. Nor do I flip out when my male friends express admiration for my wife, which happens, as she rocks. No, that’s not how it works for me, I’m jealous not crazy in my own insecurities, the general cause for the aforementioned behavior. My jealousy is much broader and more deeply passionate; broader because it encompasses more than one relationship; more passionate because I don’t give it public expression and so it just builds up like pressure in a clogged steam engine.
Yeah, I’m jealous. The people I love dearly? I want all of the relationship I can have with them. I’m jealous of every moment they don’t spend with me. I’m jealous of every other person they spend time with. I’m jealous of every hug they give someone else because, here’s the kicker, I WANT THEM ALL!
Reading that just now, I had a sudden moment of fear that I may be the next Unibomber because frankly, that seems a little crazy. It’s my jealous manifesto, my Opus Jealousy, my Swan Song of The Jealous Heart! If it were just a little more out of control, I would be dangerous to myself and others. But it’s not.
No, fortunately my passion runs in channels and as long as I maintain a good grip on my faith and maturity, it doesn’t run amuck in the streets. So am I wrong to be jealous? It doesn’t end there. I’m jealous when my church members visit other churches; when they miss church to be with their families; when they have boy scout, girl scout, cotillion, chili cook-off events! I want their time and commitment and friendship, I WANT IT ALL!
Again, just a bit creepy. But is it wrong?
God tells us that He is a jealous God and that we are to have no idols before Him; no other Gods. He loves us with an immense and powerful love, huge and stormy, with rolling thunder and flashing lightning and torrents of falling grace. He loves us like an ocean that always breaks against our shores and, tide after tide, seeks to draw us back into Himself. He loves us like True North loves a magnet, turning our attention always towards Him. He loves us like the fiery heart of the universe that explosively casts us outward in His ever expanding expression of love and grace and longs for the day when He will pull us back to Himself. He loves us like oxygen that fills us with life at every breath. He loves us like a faithful dog that is always glad to see us when we come home after work. He loves us with the unjudging laughter and delighted shrieks of children playing in a sprinkler. He loves us with the passionate burning kisses of teenage first love. He loves us with the beauty, dignity and passion of a married couple of fifty years that still hold hands in the park. He loves us with the wonder of new spring and new life. He loves us with an everlasting love. He loves us with His life. He loves us with His death. He loves us like a third day resurrection after all hope is gone.
And He wants to be with us.
He is a jealous God as He wants ALL OF US! He will not suffer one eyelash to be taken from Him. He will not suffer one false lover who tries to steal us away. He wants to walk with us and talk with us. He wants us to love Him completely. He wants all of our relationships to fit into Him like Russian nesting dolls, but He wants us all to Himself.
He is romantic beyond our comprehension of the word and HE. WILL. NOT. GIVE. UP. ON. YOU!
He can’t quit you.
So, although I know I have to be careful and not let my natural insecurities get out of control. I’m not crazy jealous, just a little over the top.
God? That Dude’s crazy! Crazy with His love for you. Quit running, all you need is pursuing you with a passionate love and jealous heart that will shame every lesser lover the world has to offer.
On that note, Indigo Girls, True Romantic.