It does make me wonder if I am staying so busy to appease the god-of-my-ignorant-youth who demanded perfection and whose highest ethics were ‘purity’ and work. I’m much older now and perhaps a bit wiser and in my striving to follow ever closer to my Teacher/Master/Brother/Friend/God Jesus, I am increasingly grateful for the amazing grace that is the expression of the love of God.
If there is no objective truth or absolute moral law then human dignity, love, friendship all of these things we hold dear become social constructs, they don’t exist, except to make us feel better.
We are all, after all, hypocrites.Hypocrisy is just the unit of measurement between the face I show to the world and the face I know to be true that stares back at me from the mirror and haunts my sleeplessness with accusations of darkness. The distance between those faces is measured in hypocrisy.
But if to fall, to fall with and into grace, for in the freedom of grace, falling and flying are the same;
Truth is, if I believed I lived up to everything it means to be a Christian, I would have failed to. Being aware of how far you have to go is part of following Jesus.
I can’t shake the truth of who I have been and the old desires still dwell deeply within, yet I am called to be something new, a new creation, living out a call that God has given me that puts me directly in danger of catastrophic, spiritual failure. How do we live there? Grace.
He loves us with an immense and powerful love, huge and stormy, with rolling thunder and flashing lightning and torrents of falling grace. He loves us like an ocean that always breaks against our shores and, tide after tide, seeks to draw us back into Himself. He loves us like True North loves a magnet, turning our attention always towards Him.